i have this sudden urge to cry and scream at myself for being such a wreck.
certain things get me this way.
esp when i look at others, and as ella says, they always seem to have it so easy.
so easy.
and you look at them coping well with everything,
and well, i think to myself,
why are you so screwed up so much of the time?
and you know i dont have an answer.
i just wish to talk, to certain people, and let it go on and on.
so many expectations, so many deadlines, to meet.
hi, i just hope i dont see you again.

and yesterday.
gritted my teeth, and said gdbye to you.
as the heart cried when it gets humiliated by others' cruelty.
we're on opposite poles, you see.
and it pained me so bad, short of aloud whispers.
you wont have anything to do with me, anymore, would you.
we're always so different.
averted glances, uncertain, inertia of greetings lingering on the lips, in the body language.
so i guess, the unexpected.
walking, with the usual people, by the canteen
and you smiled and waved.
reminded me so much, of the brilliance of james blunt.

aniwae, today choir was.
well. like that.
i really hope we improve. and ive gotta do smthg bout de discipline, and focus.
so much to lose, to so many.

which is why i feel like crying and screaming sometimes.